7 Ideas for Pittsburgh’s Food Scene

PHOTO BY DAVE DICELLO

When I talk about Pittsburgh, it’s usually over the sound of my growling stomach. I see opportunities for culinary bliss around every corner of the city — but there’s always room for outlandish innovation.

Below are some ideas for aspiring restaurateurs who want to make me eat my words.

Revisit last year’s list here.

Don’t Drop the Ball

Pennsylvania is known for ringing in the new year in wonderfully weird ways. Who needs a ball dotted with Waterford Crystal and LED lights when you can drop a big bologna like they do in Lebanon County? Folks in Dillsburg lower a giant pickle from a fire truck. Bethlehem boasts a fiberglass Peep. A colossal chili dog heats up Carlisle, while Kennett Square, the Mushroom Capital of Pennsylvania, is known for its festive steel fungi. Of course, in Hershey, everyone gets a midnight Kiss. This year, at 11:59 p.m., I want to see an enormous Mancini’s Twist begin its slow descent from the top of a mast at Penn Avenue Place, touching down in 2026 with an explosion of bread crumbs.

Iron City Beer Truck

When I was a kid, beer commercials were as entertaining as the shows they sponsored. My favorite local spot — the winner of a citywide contest —  featured a bunch of neighborhood dads mowing their lawns in the hot sun. Suddenly, they hear the bells of the Iron City Beer Truck in the distance, ditch the yardwork and, after begging their wives for a few bucks, clamor in front of the idling vehicle to get a cold brew. As a lactose-intolerant yinzer, I don’t want ice cream on a sweltering summer day — gimme an IC Light!

Dip In

My dad likes to reminisce about all the times we rode the Dips roller coaster at West View Park. That place closed before I was born — but, as a Pittsburgher raised on Rick Sebak’s Steel City documentaries, I hunger for stuff I never got to experience. This is called noshtalgia. Since I live in West View and would rather have a snack than a full meal, I’m all for opening a restaurant called The Dips. Peruse amusement-park memorabilia while eating various dips and dippable bites. You might want to let your stomach settle before taking the fast track down memory lane.

ATMmmmmm

At the No Vacancy Bar in Fort Worth, Texas, they’ve got an ATM that dispenses tacos. Outside the Perrystead Dairy in Philadelphia, there’s a 24-hour cheese vending machine. Carlo’s Bakery, the New Jersey-based sweet shop chain featured on TLC’s “Cake Boss,” has automated cake dispensaries throughout the United States and Canada. Kelly’s Bar & Lounge in East Liberty should convert an old MAC machine into an automat for their famous mac-and-cheese.

Chills & Thrills

Custard’s First Stand, a walk-up dessert shop on Camp Horne Road in Kilbuck, is located across the street from a horror collectibles shop called Time Bomb Toys. An ice scream collaboration is a no-brainer.

One Foot in the Grave

I’m trying to convince my family to open a fast-casual eatery called One Foot in the Grave (there will be a ® at the end as a nod to our surname). This anti-health food establishment will serve nothing but cheeseburgers on 12-inch-long hoagie rolls. Plates and to-go containers will be coffin-shaped and a hearse will make all deliveries. Bonus points if the place is located near a cemetery.

Buzzard’s Nest

Now that I’m pushing 50, grocery shopping is a miserable, time-consuming slough (more so). Giant Eagle should bring back The Eagle’s Nest, the bygone children’s activity centers that once sat at the front of each store — but revamp the concept for aging yinzers like me. After handing my shopping list to a young, spry employee, I can head to The Buzzard’s Nest to play shuffleboard, do shots of Geritol at the bar and enjoy complimentary Werther’s Originals as I punch out a curmudgeonly letter to the editor on a typewriter while “The Golden Girls” plays on a grainy, knob-and-tube TV.