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Let’s get one thing out of the way: We won’t be using any tortured candy metaphors to describe “Wonka” here. I will not be commenting on the film’s relative sweetness, its shelf stability or even its variety of flavors.

Is that because I’m above such cheap tactics? No; I assure you I am above nothing.

Rather, it’s because “Wonka” cannot be evaluated so neatly. It does not taste good or bad; it is not overdone or undercooked. It is, rather, curious. It’s a product — much more than it is a film, it is a product — that sits on the precipice of earnest and jaded, hovers between whimsical and cloying, and refuses to decide whether it is sharp-edged or sanded down.

It is, in short, desperately over-produced.

That’s not to say it’s a bad film; after watching it, I’m not sure if it’s bad or good. Its relative merits will likely reflect the mood and intention of the viewer. Watch “Wonka” on a good day, hoping for a pleasant time, and you will likely laugh at its considerable charms, buy into its sentimental nature and delight at its lively appearance.

Watch it less charitably, and its recycled beats become obvious, its forgettable songs will become irritating and its desperate-to-please nature will shine sickly through.

All of which is to say: Watch it if you want, and do not if you’re disinclined.

Those who do will get a key chapter in the life of Willy Wonka, the character defined less by his literary source material and more by Gene Wilder’s iconic 1971 performance. This time, Wonka is played with verve, if slightly inconsistent voice, by Timothée Chalamet. Having labored on a steamship to gather ingredients and precious little money, Wonka docks in an unnamed European city (a slightly confusing mash-up of London, Paris and Venice), hoping to begin his life as a zany chocolatier.

He runs into a pair of immediate roadblocks: The city is dominated by a nefarious chocolate cartel who don’t want the competition, and he is immediately trapped in indentured servitude by a “Sweeney Todd”-esque pair of Cockney scoundrels (Olivia Colman and Tom Davis). After meeting an adorable sidekick (Calah Lane), he hatches a Rube Goldberg plan to escape his confinement, undo the cartel and repay his considerable debt to a persistent Oompa-Loompa named Lofty (Hugh Grant).

Oh yeah, he also has an Oompa-Loompa harassing him. Did I forget to mention that? Because the script often does.

It’s a clunky, crowded story, and one that could’ve done with considerable trimming. While it is often quite funny, thanks in large part to a madcap supporting cast (Rowan Atkinson, unsurprisingly, steals the show), everything about it feels either under- or over-considered. It has charm, but not always; it has a story, but too much; it has laughs, but too few; it has a look, but a busy one.

My Rating: 5/10

“Wonka” is now playing in theaters.