PHOTO: ADOBE STOCK

When Nicole Molinaro does trainings on domestic violence awareness and prevention, the President/CEO of the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh finds many people don’t know how prevalent domestic violence is.

One in 3 women and 1 in between 4 and 7 men, depending on the study, have experienced some sort of physical violence, says Molinaro. Domestic violence makes up 15% of violent crime.

“I think a lot of people don’t understand that domestic violence isn’t a one-time physical assault, it’s an actual pattern of control in a relationship,” she adds. “Understanding that pattern and use of power and control is absolutely key to understanding intimate partner violence.”

Here are six important things everyone should know about domestic violence, in honor of October being domestic violence awareness month.

1. Most survivors experienced intimate partner violence before the age of 25, and the most at-risk population is between ages 18 and 24.
2. More than 60% of people who are homeless are homeless because of domestic violence. “If you don’t have anywhere to go, if you’ve lost your support system, as many do over the course of a relationship, you don’t have anywhere to turn,” says Molinaro.
3. 99% of survivors experience financial abuse. “Physical or sexual violence might not be there, emotional, isolation, may or may not be there, but financial abuse is prevalent in 99% of situations,” Molinaro says. Oftentimes this is because if one partner controls the household finances, the other partner may feel as though they don’t have the option of leaving the relationship.
4. Asking people experiencing abuse why they don’t “just leave” is not recommended.
   “It’s just not that easy,” Molinaro says. “Seventy-three percent of all women who are killed by their partner or ex-partners are killed when they leave or after they’ve tried to leave. That’s a hard statistic to give because we also want people who are in violent relationships to know there’s help and there’s hope. It’s much safer to seek out professional guidance and support; that help is available.”
   A better question to ask those experiencing abuse is: “How can I help?” “And also, first of all, believe them,” Molinaro says.
5. The average number of times a woman tries to leave an abusive relationship is between seven and eight.
   “Abuse doesn’t start on the first date,” Molinaro says. “Normally, this is somebody you’ve really fallen for.” Oftentimes people being abused don’t want out of the relationship at the first sign of abuse, they simply want the abuse to stop and for their partner to go back to who they seemed to be at the beginning. “So it can take a while of giving somebody the chance to change without realizing the person is not going to change,” Molinaro says. However…
6. Battering or abuse is a learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned.
   “But you have to unlearn it typically with professional help,” Molinaro says. The women’s shelter has a Batterer Intervention Program, which helps abusers learn how to have healthier relationships.

The Women’s Center & Shelter has a 24/7 hotline at 412-687-8005. They also have a text option 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday at 412-744-8445 and a chat option during the same hours on their website. Last year, the shelter also launched its Bright Sky app, which provides information about domestic violence, safety and how to get support.