Stoned Soup

Instant ramen so good, you’ll inhale it.

Photos by Leah Lizarondo
 

 

Don’t get all huffy with me. With Washington, D.C., set to give out licenses for more than 300, um, “apothecaries,” a federal mandate to legalize hemp is all but certain. Says I, the legal expert. Are feathers still ruffled that I dare defile a favorite childhood story? I’m sorry. This soup is really good when you’re stoned.

Not that I know how that feels, of course. I can imagine, right?

I have a theory there is a geometric increase in the number of cocktails and wine people consume during holiday party season, starting at Thanksgiving and culminating with the party of all parties, New Year’s Eve. And if this season’s Thanksgivukkah combo doozy is any indication, we are really in for it.

This soup is for the many mornings-after. Or the days-after. Or the weeks-after. OR when you get hunger pangs at 2 a.m. Let’s not call it the munchies. It’s a late-night snack.

It’s good because it’s quick, filling and bursting with kimchi and Sriracha. Which reminds me. Unless you have been living under a rock or were concerned with less-relevant news such as the economy, Sriracha has been under fire lately — and the world’s supply of this precious resource is at risk. Yes, we may be in for a Sriracha shortage, so order a case right now before Sriracha inflation kicks in.

If ramen conjures images of your broke college days, think again. This is souped-up ramen. Chuck the sodium-filled packet and learn how grown-ups do it. It’s not even a recipe — because who can handle recipes at 3 a.m.? You just need to raid the cupboards and gather up leftovers. All of them.
 

 

Start with:
 

• A pack of ramen, sesame oil, Sriracha, broth and kimchi.* Maybe some Tamari or soy sauce.

• Garlic (assuming you can be trusted with a knife at 3 a.m.)

• Salt and pepper

*Dude, if you don’t have all of these things in stock at all times, you are seriously missing out.

 

Go to the fridge and get:
 

• Ginger**

• Whatever vegetables and leftovers you have in your fridge. In my case, I had some green beans from Thanksgiving, some prepared kale from Whole Foods and some scallions.

** This is essential. It will make a WORLD of difference with how your stomach feels when you wake up — it’s your salvation.

 

How to do it:

You have options for the first step depending on your level of lucidity.
 

1.  Chop a couple of garlic cloves (assuming you can walk in a straight line. If you can’t, skip to step 2). In a small pot, heat about a tablespoon of sesame oil and fry the garlic for a few seconds.

2.   Add the vegetable broth. Add an inch of ginger (sliced in whatever fashion you can manage; you don’t even have to peel it) and the ramen.

3.  Bring to a boil and simmer until the noodles cook.

4.   Add the leftovers and heat through.

5.  Season with salt and pepper

6.  Take off heat, add:

a.  As much kimchi as you like

b.  A drizzle of sesame oil

c.  As much Sriracha as you can take

7.  Retire to couch (table optional) and inhale.

*There are many brands of ramen that do not contain the nefarious artificial stuff your body does not need to be assaulted with. Whole Foods and the East End Food Co-Op carry some good brands, including gluten-free ones.