Edit ModuleEdit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

PittGirl: How You Should Grade A Squishy Tongue

Kennywood Park opens soon and new this season is the return of the famed whale at the entrance of Noah’s Ark. In the name of science, PittGirl paid an early visit to test the squishiness quotient of the whale's all-important tongue.




photo by virginia montanez

 

Ah, the feats of modern engineering.

How do you create an artificial island that doesn’t just sink back into the sea?

How do you build a skyscraper 2,700-feet tall that doesn’t implode with the smallest registration on the Richter Scale?

How do you diaper a concrete-pooping bridge?

How do you build a squishy walkable tongue for an amusement park’s concrete whale that doesn’t get completely destroyed and need to be replaced six times a summer?

That last one was the challenge set to the crew charged with rebuilding the famed whale at the entrance of Kennywood’s Noah’s Ark this off-season.

In bringing back the whale, Kennywood knew it was the squishy tongue that really held all the nostalgia for old timey park-goers like me. The tongue of our youth (there’s a phrase I never thought I’d write), was made of a pink fabric stuffed with some kind of foam. Therefore, it was destroyed regularly by all the feet stomping on it. Designing a squishy tongue that would withstand the summer was the goal.

I wrote a 750-word column on the squishy tongue, so as the whale neared completion, I was sure to visit the park to check on the new tongue’s squishy factor on a scale of 1 to Fresh Marshmallow Peeps.

Yesterday I stopped by to visit Kennywood’s Nick Paradise (Almost paradise/We’re knocking on heaven’s door … Where my Guiding Light peeps at?). We headed straight for Noah’s Ark where crews were putting final touches to the attraction and the entire park in preparation for Opening Day on Saturday, May 7.

Standing in the blue whale’s gaping mouth now complete with a long reddish tongue, I began my scientific squishiness evaluation. My methods, as will be outlined in my forthcoming submission entitled “The Magnitude of the Marshmallow Peepification of Kennywood’s Noah’s Ark Reborn Whale Tongue” to some super sciency journal, were as follows:

  1. Touch it.
     
  2. Stand on it.
     
  3. Walk on it.
     
  4. Hop on it.
     
  5. Lie down on it.

Here I am doing science:
 

My final conclusion after much data-gathering?

Success.

This new material, which has an underlayment of chopped up rubber, will both withstand a summer’s worth of park-goers’ steps and will feel squishy under your feet as you are swallowed into the haunt.

Is it as squishy as the tongue of goo-encrusted pink fabric covering pop-soaked foam of our youth? No. Is it different? Yes. Is different always worse? No.

You’ll have to make your own squishiness determinations this summer when you visit the whale yourself.

Bring a calculator and do science, but by my math, which I’m good at …

I got 7.

Looking forward to all the honorary sciencemath doctoral degree invitations coming my way.
 

 

Edit ModuleShow Tags Edit Module

Edit Module Edit ModuleShow TagsEdit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags Edit Module
Edit ModuleShow Tags

The Latest

What We're Reading in April

Books Editor Kristofer Collins reviews "Unlucky 21: The Saddest Stories and Games in Pittsburgh Sports History," Wicked Pittsburgh" and Alternate Histories' "Pittsburgh in Olden Times."

April 2019: Best of Culture in Pittsburgh

Check out some of the finest plays, dance performances and exhibits taking place this month in Pittsburgh.

Top 10 Things to Do in Pittsburgh in April

Your 10 best bets for this month include The Book of Mormon, Pop Punk Night and a Taste of Lawrenceville.

Can't Miss Concerts in Pittsburgh in April

An icon comes to town, and we celebrate Jazz Appreciation Month in style.

Swap Meet: Graham 2 Joins Bodiography in Horizons

‘Horizons’ presents a combination of original works and those of Pittsburgh native Martha Graham.

Perspectives: For Dad

A daughter struggles to accept the limitations of her ailing father.

Something Old is Something New (to You) At the Vintage Home Mixer

Taking place in Lawrenceville, the event features vintage furniture, fashion, textiles and other home goods all under one roof.

Watch: Sid and Geno Break out the Big Guns

Think Sid is good in the shootout? Watch him with a T-Shirt cannon.

Local Filmmakers and Global Issues in Row House Outdoors Week

Documentary films highlighting environmental struggles get the spotlight at the Lawrenceville theater.

The 400-Word Review: The Dirt

Netflix's Mötley Crüe biopic offers plenty of rock-star mayhem, but no insight or substance.

An Impressive Duck Lands at Spork in Bloomfield

Executive chef Chris Frangiadis introduces a tableside classic to the restaurant's menu.

Summer Camp Helps Children Deal with Loss

Now accepting applications, Experience Camp welcomes children who have lost immediate family members.

PM on KD: Spirit Is in Our After Dark Hall of Fame

PM nightlife and culture editor Sean Collier appeared on KDKA's Pittsburgh Today Live to discuss the latest inductee into Pittsburgh Magazine's After Dark Hall of Fame: Spirit.

Duke’s Williamson Transcends the Madness

Freshman Zion Williamson makes this year’s NCAA Tournament, always fascinating on its own merits, even more of a can’t-miss event.

A New Steel Curtain Is Rising

Will the new Steelers zone at Kennywood Park be ready in time for opening day?