Edit ModuleEdit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Ahhh. October in the 'Burgh.



Photo by Laura Petrilla

Tweens are back in school gazing lovingly at the Twilight posters they've hung in their lockers. 'Burghers are thrilled to finally pull out their sweaters and feel a bit of cool, crisp wind on their faces. Suburban housewives are secretly reading Twilight while their tweens are in school.

But most important, above all else, October means we're immersed as a city in meaningful games of Steelers football. STEELERS FOOTBALL!

Living in Pittsburgh, you fall into one of two categories:

Group 1: You worship at the altar of the Steelers and are therefore embraced in the loving, protective arms of all of Pittsburgh sports fans who will thump you on the back as if they've known you all their lives.

Group 2: You don't really care about the Steelers and are therefore shunned and ridiculed and often have the phrase "May God have mercy on your soul" directed sadly at you.

I belong to Group 1 and have since my childhood. Maybe you're in Group 2 and would like to at least pretend sometimes that you belong in Group 1. There are some things to keep in mind:

1. Regardless of any previous praise and adoration received for a good performance, a poorly performing quarterback should expect, at the very least, to wake to a lawn full of angrily discarded trash.

2. Jeff "Skippy Skeeve" Reed jokes should always be kept loaded in your joke cannon.

Putting aside for a moment his incredibly accurate monster thighs, Jeff "Skippy Skeeve" Reed is without a doubt the class clown of the entire Steelers organization - apart from Steely McBeam, that is.

He of the bleached-blond, stuck-his-tongue-in-a-light-socket hair. He of the South Side nightclub shenanigans that I once personally witnessed. He with the citation for kicking the crap out of a harmless Sheetz paper-towel dispenser. So many jokes. Pick a few and fire at will.

3. Santonio Holmes is a football deity with lots of human vices.

Yes, he's the Super Bowl MVP who caught a pass that Superman himself might have bobbled and dropped, but, uh, Google him, OK? Then take your pick. That's all I have to say about that.

4. Mike Tomlin or Troy Polamalu might be Jesus.

They can do no wrong. You don't talk bad about them. Ever. Lest you be smote with locusts or frogs or a losing season.

5. We're lucky Ben didn't die.

There has never been a brighter, larger spotlight shined on Pittsburgh driving than the one that trained its eye on us after that fateful day when Benjamin Roethlisberger, riding his motorcycle without a helmet, fell victim to the infamous Pittsburgh Left.

Can you imagine if Ben had died? Not only would a group of Pittsburgh men have descended on the Vatican armed with a thick binder containing a paper titled "The Case for the Canonization of Benjamin Roethlisberger as a Saint in the Roman Catholic Church," complete with a listing of his miracles, the greatest of which would be a six-page tear-stained essay on "The Immaculate Redemption Tackle of 2006"; not only all of that, but worst of all, The Pittsburgh Left would have been outlawed as well. Banned. MADNESS!

6. Bill Cowher who?

Oh, Bill. My teenage crush. My adulthood idol. In the span of three football seasons, he has gone from a Pittsburgh sports hero to that guy who frantically and maniacally cranked the siren for the Carolina Hurricanes during their playoff series against the Pittsburgh Penguins this year.

If I knew where his lawn in North Carolina is, I'd throw trash on it.

May God have mercy on his soul.


PittGirl Rants/Raves

Rant:
I know. It's to be expected. Construction cones. Everywhere. No matter which route you try to take. Anywhere. Cone. Cone. Road closed. Bridge closed. Bridge might fall. Sink hole. Merge here. Detour. Uneven pavement. Rock slide. Can't use this road for three more years so find a new way to work. In three years, Pittsburgh is going to have the best roads in the country, right? RIGHT?!

Rave:
Oh, how happy I am that Daniel Sepulveda is finally healthy again and punting for the Steelers. Not so much because he's a darn good punter, which he is. Not so much because he's vital. I mean, we managed to win the Super Bowl without him by using a mediocre Mitch Berger. Not so much because I think his off-field behavior sets a good example for Jeff "Shenanigans" Reed. But mostly because, ladies, he is so fun to look at. God had a GREAT day when he thought up Daniel Sepulveda.

Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit Module

Edit ModuleShow TagsEdit ModuleShow Tags
Edit Module Edit ModuleShow Tags

The Latest

PIT Turns to CMU to Make Airport Smartest in the World

The airport authority will use minds at CMU to discover ways to make it easier for passengers to get from the terminal’s parking lots to their seat on the plane.

Celebrate August Wilson's Birthday With a King and a Block Party

The ninth play in the 10-part Pittsburgh Cycle will open outside at the August Wilson House.

First Look: Soju in Garfield

Simon Chough’s Korean restaurant is six years in the making.

I Feel Pretty Isn't What You're Expecting (And That's Okay)

Reviews of "I Feel Pretty" and "Super Troopers 2," plus a rundown of events at the Pittsburgh Underground Film Festival.

Get Your Clark Bars While You Can – They May Soon Be Gone

Production of Pittsburgh native candy bar may halt if the current producer cannot find a new buyer.

Coughlin's Law Wants To Be Your Mount Washington Destination

Notes on the busy new bar and restaurant near Grandview Avenue.

The 2018 Return of the Burgh-y Mother's Day Gift Guide

It's back! From the dog mom to the working mom, we've got you covered with these locally made must-haves.

Patriot Games Can’t Diminish Harrison’s Place in Steelers History

James Harrison intimidated opposing players in a way not seen since the days of Jack Lambert and Mean Joe Greene.

Bruno Sammartino Dies; Wrestling's Longtime Champ Was 82

The Italian-born star died surrounded by family in his adopted home of Pittsburgh.

It’s Road Repaving Season in Pittsburgh. Is Your Street on the List?

The City of Pittsburgh has finalized its street paving plan for 2018. You’re one click away from finding out if your street or route to work is on the list.

Three Rivers Champion: James S. Perry

Perry combined his love for athletics and volunteerism to create a youth athletic association that at its height provided organized softball and baseball to more than 350 boys and girls.

Three Rivers Art Festival Brings Music and New Art For 59th Summer

Point State Park, Gateway Center and sites across the Cultural District will host free, world-class art and events during this year’s 10-day festival.

Sound of Silence: Century III to be Sold at Sheriff's Sale

The nearly 40-year-old mall encounters foreclosure once again. Will this sale be the end of the line?

Pittsburgh Riverlife President & CEO Vivien Li Resigns

Li is returning to Boston to be with family members who are in declining health.

The Best Ways to Reuse and Repurpose Wedding Decor

From new decor in the home to donations to charity, check out these ways to repurpose leftover wedding decor.
Edit Module
Edit ModuleShow Tags


PIT Turns to CMU to Make Airport Smartest in the World

PIT Turns to CMU to Make Airport Smartest in the World

The airport authority will use minds at CMU to discover ways to make it easier for passengers to get from the terminal’s parking lots to their seat on the plane.

Comments

Celebrate August Wilson's Birthday With a King and a Block Party

Celebrate August Wilson's Birthday With a King and a Block Party

The ninth play in the 10-part Pittsburgh Cycle will open outside at the August Wilson House.

Comments


All the foodie news that's fit to blog
First Look: Soju in Garfield

First Look: Soju in Garfield

Simon Chough’s Korean restaurant is six years in the making.

Comments

New Chefs Coming to Smallman Galley

New Chefs Coming to Smallman Galley

Smallman Galley will rotate its third class of chef/owners this June … but this time there’s a twist.

Comments


Not just good stuff. Great stuff.
The 2018 Return of the Burgh-y Mother's Day Gift Guide

The 2018 Return of the Burgh-y Mother's Day Gift Guide

It's back! From the dog mom to the working mom, we've got you covered with these locally made must-haves.

Comments

The 5 Best Places to People Watch in Pittsburgh

The 5 Best Places to People Watch in Pittsburgh

A coffee shop, an iconic landmark, an airport and beyond — these are the best places to practice the art of people watching.

Comments


Coughlin's Law Wants To Be Your Mount Washington Destination

Coughlin's Law Wants To Be Your Mount Washington Destination

Notes on the busy new bar and restaurant near Grandview Avenue.

Comments

Smallman Galley Goes 3D With Its New Cocktail Menu

Smallman Galley Goes 3D With Its New Cocktail Menu

The bar team at the Strip District restaurant incubator continues its flights of fancy with Flashback Flavors.

Comments


Mike Prisuta's Sports Section

A weekly look at the games people are playing and the people who are playing them.
Patriot Games Can’t Diminish Harrison’s Place in Steelers History

Patriot Games Can’t Diminish Harrison’s Place in Steelers History

James Harrison intimidated opposing players in a way not seen since the days of Jack Lambert and Mean Joe Greene.

Comments

Penguins Seeking 3-Peat With The Swagger of a Champion

Penguins Seeking 3-Peat With The Swagger of a Champion

The power play, star power and goaltending are among the primary weapons the Penguins have at their disposal in their quest for another championship. But so, too, is an unshakable belief they can hoist Lord Stanley's Cup three times in a row.

Comments


The movies that are playing in Pittsburgh –– and, more importantly, whether or not they're worth your time.
I Feel Pretty Isn't What You're Expecting (And That's Okay)

I Feel Pretty Isn't What You're Expecting (And That's Okay)

Reviews of "I Feel Pretty" and "Super Troopers 2," plus a rundown of events at the Pittsburgh Underground Film Festival.

Comments

Despite The Rock, Rampage Is a Wild Misfire

Despite The Rock, Rampage Is a Wild Misfire

A review of "Rampage," plus an update on the former Friends of the Hollywood Theater and other local movie news.

Comments


Everything you need to know about getting married in Pittsburgh today.
The Best Ways to Reuse and Repurpose Wedding Decor

The Best Ways to Reuse and Repurpose Wedding Decor

From new decor in the home to donations to charity, check out these ways to repurpose leftover wedding decor.

Comments

How Lucky Socks Played a Key Role in Couple’s Wedding

How Lucky Socks Played a Key Role in Couple’s Wedding

A pair of puffin socks played a big role in this Pittsburgh couple’s relationship — and, in a surprise move by their pastor, their wedding.

Comments


Weekly inspiration for your home from the editors of Pittsburgh Magazine
Toll Gate Revival Gearing Up for New Location, New Experience

Toll Gate Revival Gearing Up for New Location, New Experience

The vintage décor and reclaimed materials business owned by Seth Hunter will open in a larger Lawrenceville warehouse next month.

Comments

Take a Sneak Peek at Our 2018 Ultimate House

Take a Sneak Peek at Our 2018 Ultimate House

Tours of Empire on Liberty, a one-time furniture and carpet warehouse in Bloomfield turned into a mixed-use structure, take place this month. The tour includes a look at the penthouse and two condos.

Comments